Alas, We’re Laughing At Him, Not With Him
(CC) Bob Jagendorf/Flickr
Time magazine recently published its “2012 Presidential Election Wrap-Up” issue, and just to be sadistic, it devoted a dozen pages to the most likely candidates for the office in 2016, the race having apparently already started. One of the most intriguing was New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. On the upside, he’s popular, candid, and has compiled a fairly solid record as governor. On the downside, pundits are already asking pointed questions. Such as, “Will his notoriously quick and barbed tongue get him in hot water?” And, “Can the right wing base forgive his embrace of Obama after Hurricane Sandy?”
But there’s another question they don’t seem to be asking, one which I think is extremely relevant: Is he just too fat to be elected? That’s a highly insensitive and politically incorrect question, of course, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a vital one. For one thing, we haven’t elected an overweight candidate to the presidency since William Howard Taft, 104 years ago. Even Clinton was fairly trim when he was still campaigning; it took White House food to round him out. But Christie’s real problem isn’t just his weight. His problem is that it is absolutely essential for a political candidate to define himself or herself for the public, and Christie is already being defined.
He’s being defined roughly every three nights by one or more TV monologists. He’s being defined as the current designated object of “fat” jokes. He’s becoming a national fat joke. If you doubt that, here is but a sampler of Chris Christie fat jokes delivered by talk show hosts over the past year.
Jay Leno: Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is “shrinking the American pie.” And believe me, if there’s one thing Christie hates, it’s a small pie.
Conan O’Brien: Governor Christie wants to extend the 7 train to New Jersey. When asked what’s wrong with the Lincoln Tunnel, Christie said, “You try squeezing through that thing.”
–Pig farmers are predicting a global bacon shortage. However, they say the shortage can be averted if Chris Christie converts to Islam.
–New research revealed that the closer you live to a bar, the more likely you are to become a heavy drinker. And the closer you live to Dunkin’ Donuts, the more likely you are to become the governor of New Jersey.
Bill Maher: Governor Chris Christie was hospitalized yesterday, he had trouble breathing. He first noticed there was a problem when he had difficulty inhaling a pizza. He was in the supermarket, and he felt a tightness in his chest, and then he realized he’d got stuck in the dairy case. He’s OK. The hospital today upgraded his condition to gigantic. But the doctor told him, “You have to stop eating ice cream out of big five gallon tubs” and he said “Why?” And the doctor said, “So I can examine you.”
Jimmy Fallon: Yesterday New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said he’s not sure if he’s going to run for re-election next year. He’s said, “I’ll collapse that bridge when I get to it.”
–Today New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced that he’s endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It’s good news for Romney. I mean, you always want Chris Christie on your side. Unless you’re in a canoe.
–Last night Newark Mayor Cory Booker rescued a woman trapped inside a burning house. Not to be outdone, Governor Chris Christie rescued a Tostito that fell in his artichoke dip.
But if anybody has been all in on the subject of Christie’s heft, it’s
David Letterman: Do we really want a president who looks like an American League umpire? Chris Christie would have been the first American President visible from space. The Marine Band would have played “Hail to the Chef.”
–Opening in New Jersey tomorrow is the circus. They put up the big tent; this year it’s Governor Christie’s pants.
–Happy birthday to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who is 50 years old. They had a cake for him. He blew out the candles and then he wished for another cake.
–The Rockefeller Center’s Christmas tree is being put in place this afternoon. They bring it in and hoist it with a crane and steel cables. It’s the same way they get Chris Christie into his pants.
Letterman even devoted an entire Top Ten List to “Reasons Chris Christie Is Not Running for President,” which included “Wants to spend more time with pie” and “Constitution requires every candidate to be able to see their feet.”
You will notice something about this barrage of gags: none of them refers to Christie’s political positions, decisions, actions, or ideology. They are in fact almost all generic “fat guy” jokes. The only reason Christie is the butt of them is because he is both (1) a widely known public figure, and (2) fat.
In times past, that role was variously filled by such chubby celebrities as Elvis, Orson Welles, Marlon Brando and Rosie O’Donnell. Chris Christie has simply become the current default target of one-liners about excessive overweight. It’s not fair, but it’s what is, and it raises the question of whether anyone subjected to such repeated mocking can long remain a serious candidate for Commander in Chief. It may be politically helpful to be a household name, but not a household punch line. How “presidential” can you be when you’re the butt of jokes on an almost-daily basis?
Then again, that’s pretty much the fate of whoever happens to reside in the White House, and we tend to re-elect them. And given that two-thirds of the American electorate are themselves overweight, Christie might win just on the empathy vote. I won’t annoy you with a “large voting bloc” gag here, but a Christie victory could do for the obese what the Obama victory did for African-Americans: stand as a source of pride and inspiration. Who knows, he could go down as one of our great presidents.
Still, they’ll never put him on Mount Rushmore. He wouldn’t fit. He’d need his own mountain.
Bada boom.
(By Robert S. Wieder for CalorieLab Calorie Counter News):
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Is Chris Christie Too Fat for the White House? is a post from: CalorieLab - Health News & Information Blog
Source: http://calorielab.com/news/2012/11/26/is-chris-christie-too-fat-for-the-white-house/
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